Monday, February 16, 2009

so much harder than I thought

I listed the crib and cosleeper on craigslist sat. and by last night both were sold and gone forever!!!! I thought I was ready to let them go but I bawled all night and still so sad. It makes me realize that I'm not ok with all of this yet. I think I need some happy pills to get me over this hump cuz I am in such a funk and it is really effecting everyone around me especially Greg. like I am just going thru the motions of living right now and not truly living each day the way I know I should. I feel like I should just be able to get thru this myself like one day just wake up and be my happy old Sheila again but it has been a year of this and I am tired of all the sadness and moodiness and I know Greg is too. I am hoping to save a chunk of money in the next 2 years and maybe try IVF one more time. I guess knowing that it might be a possibility it makes it so less final and something I can look forward to. We have a lot of saving to do cuz I think being 38 years of age IVF then will be close about $20,000.00. Maybe I'll play the lotto once a week and see....with my luck I know it is a waste of a dollar but oh well.......
Posted by sheila at 5:59 AM

4 comments:

  1. LizFebruary 16, 2009 at 7:57 AM

    I was 39 when we started on Mary - I am so there for you if there is anything I can do just say the word!

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  2. sheilaFebruary 16, 2009 at 8:46 AM

    Liz you are sooooo sweet!!! I know Mary is a miracle success story and it gives me hope that at 38-39 that I still will have a good chance at conceiving!!! I think just knowing that nothing is final yet is enough for me to look forward to.

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  3. DebraFebruary 16, 2009 at 10:34 AM

    I think you are a great candidate for IVF. I really hope you guys get another chance at it. It really sucks when the thing stopping you from expanding your family is money. Seems so wrong. I hope you're feeling more like your old self soon, Sheila. I know it's hard to get out of that funk when you feel like you're being forced to move on.

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  4. PinkFebruary 21, 2009 at 8:59 PM

    I hope you get another chance too. I know that driving force, that feeling of emptyness. IF sucks, it's just so unfair. I cried all night when we sold the crib too. We hope to get another chance too.

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